a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
