Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
