Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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