so let's talk penis.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
