this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You ruined the universe
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
