Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
