Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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