is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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