FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
