Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I am mentally ready for anal.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
