it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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