Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
