I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
