1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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