I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
