Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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