So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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