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Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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