I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
