We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
