he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
