Pregnant stripper...not hot.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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