I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
soo... how was my night?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
