His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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