I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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