so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
