i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
