I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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