ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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