I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize