i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
