I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
