So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
