I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
