remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
