I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
