I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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