fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
