Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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