Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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