Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Do you still have your period?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
