I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
