He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
