Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
