"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
