I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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