she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
