I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This is classic penis vs brain.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
