Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
