I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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