Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
