We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
