I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
