I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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