Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
