wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
