One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
