Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
