I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
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