You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You were trust falling into bushes
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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