Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just found puke in my bra..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
