Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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