i just wanna soil my oats bro
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
