This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
