Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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