you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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