I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
