There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
