I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dignity is for republicans.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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