I just cut my nipple shaving
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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