Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
